Coca Profiles: Thomas Edison

We’re launching a new series on Coqueros called the Coca Profiles. Everyone does coke and there’s people you know that do coke and people you never would have imagined. The Coca Profiles will give you some insight on the person and they relationship with coke. Today we have Thomas Edison.

Who would’ve thought that Thomas Edision railed yola? Was cocaine even around during his time? Yes, yes it was. During the late 19th century, cocaine was all the rage just like how it was in the 1980s and today. Anyone that could afford cocaine was doing cocaine. The best part, the 1800s cocaine was pure cocaine that was manufactured by pharmaceutical companies. This was pure shit, and people were doing up to three grams a day and lived to see another day. Back then, people didn’t know what the fuck they were snorting and drinking (cocaine laced wine), but they loved the way it made them feel. They loved how the stuff made them feel and no one knew why it made them feel that way.

During the late 1800s, everyone was trying to find a way to profit from the cocaine craze. Doctors where creating all types of concoctions for all kinds of sickness. Cocaine laced cigarettes were made to cure sore throats and nasal decongestants for stuffy nose (didn’t really work as a long term solution). An interesting Frenchman profited from the cocaine rage, it was Angelo Mariani. This guy created wine that was mixed with cocaine and had everyone rolling their balls off. The stuff he created was the equivalent of the 2010-Four Loko that made everyone go ape-shit and black out, only you dint blackout.

His wine was called Vin Mariani, a mix of French wine and coca leaves. It was marketed as a performance enhancer for sex,  athletes, artists, and all night benders. All the famous people of the time endorsed this shit, including celebrities, royal families, politicians, and writers. The Catholic Pope at the time even endorsed the wine, writing that he fully appreciated all the effects of the “tonic wine” and awarded Mariani a Vatican medal. One of the more famous people that tried this wine was Thomas Edison, the light-bulb guy.

Most people don’t know, but Edison wasn’t that great at inventing shit. He just knew how to patent things faster than his competition and rode the street credit he received from the patent.  Thomas Edison tried the coca wine and claimed it made him stay up longer. Pretty sure when Edison won a patent, he celebrated like a 1990s frat start. First thing he would do is head to the local saloon and order a round of shots of Vin Marin for himself and his crew. The whole night would be spent getting coked out and drunk. Just boozing like a wildman. He most definitely fucked two to three bitches a night during these benders. Imagine the cheer confidence in the man under the effects of cocaine and alcohol. He most definitely had a great time beating Tesla to the patent office all bumped out.

They stop producing this wine for obvious reasons. But hey, its making a mother fucking come-back. One of the descendants of Mariani is in talks with the Bolivian president to get this wine rolling in Bolivia, where cocaine consumption is legal. Once official production is out, bottle service will be on Mariani.

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